Ski Resort Ranking

Welcome to the most arbitrary world-wide ski station resort rankings ever to have been assembled – ever.
In these listings we will attempt to collate and order the mountains or the planet into some sort of biased listing that will maintain Serre Chevalier at the top come what may, which is where we’re going to start with it. Of course should there be a better destination we’ll adjust the poll accordingly.
This is an ongoing undertaking, so expect to see changes throughout the season – there will be regular updats so don’t forget to keep visiting to see our totally rational library of fact building into a thesaurus of piste discovery week after week.
These finest unbiased reviews will build into a full compendium of the world’s ski resorts.
If you have an opinion that is like ours about a ski station write in and tell us.

France

Serre Chevalier – Number One

250km of mostly north facing pistes in the southern French alps, meaning a tasty composition of lovely provencal weather and snow that lasts on the slopes.
Home to Serre Chevalier’s most active website, Serrechevalier.org – for all your ski and snow requisites. Number One for good reason, if you visit no other ski station visit this one, unmissable, pistes of the year, a real roller-coaster of a romp of a ride.

Puy St Vincent

Just up the road from Serre Che. Very family friendly, which really means loads of bloody kids not freaking out on the many easy pistes, which all seem to finish at the same point, making for some interesting surgeries.
The small station is good value, and you get a day on the SC ski pass.
The off piste-here does get very good press, but it’s not as good as Serre Che I can tell you.

Espace Killy

Made up of two ski areas, Val D’Isere and Tignes, named after French superstar Jean-Claude Killy.

Val D’Isere

Er this one might be at least as good as Serre Chevalier, but with too many shops and restaurants. With this much choice it’s just confusing. The honest down-to-earth flavour of Serre Chevalier measn you’ll never be spoilt for choice, especially if you like cheese, jambon and potatos.
Val also has 300km of pistes, but really that’s just showing off, the 250km available in Serre Chevalier is enough – and there are trees here.
Very close call, but Serre Che wins by a whisper as it’s got the better weather.
Nice try Val D’Isere, but sort your sunshine out and try again.

Tignes

Tignes is split up into different bits, with the highest bit being Val Claret, which does resemble Stevenage somewhat. The good bits are that there is the biggest car park in The World, so no problem parking. It also has a funicular railway which can transport you up to the glacier really quickly. But getting on the funicular is a bit like getting to Tottenham Court Road at 9am on a monday morning by tube. The skiing is fantastic and there is tons of it.
It’s notoriously not pretty though – Serre Chevalier is btw.

Chamonix

No matter how good this place is the debate rages about whether the “X” at the end if prononced. Middle-class England says no, but the French say yes. What will you do? Could you book a ticket without feeling uncomfortable? Best come to Serre Chevalier, exactly like it’s written.
It is very pretty though and is well known, meaning a bit more pricey than nicey.

If you are going to Chamonix check out the luxury chalets Chamonix provided by Hip Chalets who have an awesome selection of chalets in Chamonix, Argentiere, Les Bois, and Les Houches.

Alpe d’Huez

Not a bad place to ski at all, ADH gets more sunshine than most resorts as it is built onto a ‘shelf’ on the mountain, which is so high up that there aren’t really any mountains for the sun to disappear behind until late in the day.  However having skied there a few times you do start to wonder why there are so many runs that have a flat bit at the end where you have to ‘punt’ along to the next lift.  Also the sheer popularity of Alpe d’Huez does means that the major runs (and even the big green DMC) get very churned up by the end of the afternoon.

The best thing about this place is the Underground Bar which is just ace, it’s located underneath the Alpe d’Huez Hotel Le Chamois, near the funny looking church.

Japan

Here’s an illustration to be going on with, I think it says a thousand words.
Those rather cool bath-houses “on-sen” look very nice, better than the white elephant that is les Bains in Monetier. Eur17 for a two hour dip, Eur3 for a towel and your best budgie smugglers will be needed to get through the turnstyle.
In Japan you at least get a flannel hung over dental floss.
But it is a long way to go for some deep cleaning.

Koreas

With the US trying to get a war on using the old “Gulf of Tonkin trick” ie pretend it’s the other guy who started it, maybe this isn’t the best destination at the moment. Why not try Serre Chevalier? 250km of sunny pistes etc.
The ’98 Ski World Cup and the ’99 Asian Winter Games were both held in Yongpyeong, so there is real piste stuff avaiable for all levels.
For my money Korea women are the best looking in Asia, Serre Chevalier can’t really boast anything like that. There’s one bird who works in the Boites d’Utils (the local builders merchants), but that’s as good as it gets. Bring your own. The lack of totty in any form is also evinced in the spectacular porn collection in the tiny newsagents in Monetier. It keeps the farmers out of trouble and livestock.

US of A

Watching the land of the free sleep walk into martial law is all well and good, but what’s the skiing like?
Some great pistes, great resorts – we’ll be slagging those off individually as the season progresses, but it’s the getting there that might be problematic – you can get skin cancer from a back-scatter x-ray (with free saucy pic to share in the office) or you can get some TSA tenderness.

Tellerude

Got to hand it to Tellerude, it beats Serre Chevalier hands down when it comes to catering to the gays, hosting Gay Ski Week Anually. We don’t even have a half-pipe for them to have a go on.
This resort gets over 309 inches a year, so there is a soft landing assured and the longest run of the “Galloping Goose” is just fantastic. They have celebrities such as Nuclia Waste, pictured here. Well at least he has his pride right?
Serre Chevalier isn’t gay-free, there is one in the village of Monetier, but a few of the local farmers have been seduced – regularly, someone is dipping in an Egyptian river methinks.
If you’re a gay drop us a line and we’ll try and get you an appointment, but please try and book early as his diary does tend to fill up quite quickly.

Canada

Big, open and cold. No trees, masses of powder eh.

Whistler

Tree skiing? Well der, that’s what the larch forests of Serre Chevalier are all about.
However the season lasts until June, so we suppose you could go after Serre Chevalier closes in mid/ late April.

Banff

Three resorts of Lake Louise, Sunshine and Mount Norquay make up this station, meaning you do get a load of piste avaiable, but you will pay for it with your pass. The other expenses food/ drink etc are relatively cheaper, certainly compared with Whislter, but it is a bit of a honeymoon place. The pisteurs stop all piste-based mooning in Serre Che, so a win for the 05 station – again.

Rossland

The underrated station, lots of powder and tonnes of back-country stuff. Probably best avoided as the station is very oriented towards jazz. If you want jazz in Serre Che you’ll have to make your own, we so rock and roll it crazy. The Harper Brothers, Rocket and all manner of non-noodling nonsense mean Serre Chevalier wins again – nice.

Scotland

Cairngorn

Really? No we kid, excellent for people of all ages and abilities. Luc Alphand, Serre Chevalier’s local legend, maintains a bothy there, just in case there is insufficient coverage in Serre Che.

Italy

What better place to meet loads of Italians on the slopes, what with their keen sense of fair-play and queing abilities that rank as highly wherever you roam. You do get access to some of the Sestriere runs, Oulx and Galaxy with a Serre Chevalier pass, so may be worth a day trip.
Turin is probably the best airport to use when visiting Serre Che, so the opportunity’s there if you feel like a go.

Iran

Exoctic, a real conversation point. High at 3,000m and therefore treeless. More importantly boozeless. Skiing without at least some form of imbibement is like England without curry, unthinkable.